The sound every parent fears (but won’t admit it)…

It’s been a while since the last post, sorry! I am aiming to keep to at least one post a week, but from time to time priorities will be elsewhere. I’ve got an ever-growing list of blog post ideas that I need to catch up with, so looking forward to catching up with those! I’m also struggling a bit to keep up with relevant photos for the time being. I’ve got tons of Beatrice but still haven’t decided whether to put her online or not. Today’s post focuses on something everyone will be familiar with on some level…

Every new parent will spend an inordinate amount of time staring at their newborn, and rightly so. Most of you will do it into the early hours of the night, partly out of how cute they look when they’re asleep. However, there’s also an inbuilt feeling that if you take your eyes away, that’s the minute they forget how to breathe. This is despite the fact that they managed whilst you were busy looking up the best deal for baby wipes, or even when you were having tea and they were sat safely in their seat of choice (there are literally hundreds of options here-it’s worse than wedding merchandise). Night times are interesting indeed for the new parent.

Babies have this amazing trick where they breathe so slowly (it’s still all a bit new to them, so naturally they’ve not found a rhythm) that they are silent. It’s also so slow that their chest barely moves. Sleeping on the other side of the bed to the moses basket only makes things worse! Rest assured, after the initial ten seconds of panic, Beatrice is capable of producing a cacophony of sounds that reassure, amuse and terrify us to let us know she’s alright. Snorting, grunting, incredibly cute sighs, trying to outdo an elephant in a trumpeting contest, she’s got it all! It can be hilarious, frustrating and knackering in equal measure, and amazingly only happens at night. She is a proper Jekyll and Hyde sleeper on the noise front!

However, this silence is not the noise the title is talking about.


(Keep reading to find out why I might be smiling…)

This noise is something that can strike fear into the most laid-back parent. It also has the power to reduce you to a nine-year-old.

That’s right, the sound is that of your newborn farting. As was well documented in this post, your baby is capable of extraordinary faecal feats. Beatrice seems to have moved (somewhat) beyond the projectile phase, but there is nothing more terrifying than hearing a massive fart (and honestly, you can get away with blaming your baby if in company, they sound as loud as a grown-up’s) when you’ve turned your head for that split-second to reach for a nappy/cotton wool/cream/wipe (delete as applicable). Your heart leaps into your mouth as you fear the worst for your clothes and the surrounding furniture.

The flipside of that is that it can be hilarious. It really shouldn’t be, I know I should totally be over it at my age, but there is something pretty funny about it, especially when she smiles first or surprises herself. Even moreso if there’s a few back to back.

Like every noise your baby makes, you’ll get to know the difference between farts (funny and terrifying) and poos. Once you do, those heart in mouth moments will slowly fade.

But the giggling probably won’t.

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

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2 thoughts on “The sound every parent fears (but won’t admit it)…

  1. Love the post. Very funny, and true especially about the breathing. However, do think about the social construction of the norms in your vicinity. Does anyone really “need to blame” his child if someone does fart? The social construction of what is “acceptable” controls so many people and it makes me sad. It controls what toys you buy to your child. It controls what clothes you decide to dress her in. Etcetera, etcetera. Think about it, just for a second, and see if you yourself has fallen into this conformity. And if you, by the end of the day, agree that you to a certain degree has in fact been steered in a certain direction by this “acceptable norm”, then do reflect on it one more time and see if this is really how you want to bring up your child. What consequences can conformity *really* have for a child growing up (and even more so a girl!).

    If by the end of the day you come to the conclusion that, yes, I do like pink, and yes, I WOULD have dressed my child in that colour even if it was a boy, then all the more power to you. But if you are a sucker to these social constructions of what is accepted as “normal”, then think about how it can reflect upon your child growing up.

    Gender inequality is something real all over the world, and it all starts with parenting and the way one reacts to “falling into line of what is deemded normal”.


    1. Hi, thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I completely agree, and it’s something my wife and I have regularly discussed. We both feel there should be no barriers to what our daughter can achieve and will endeavour to make that clear to her as she grows up. Personally, I don’t think that trying to get away with a loud fart in public has any gender specific connotations though!


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